Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
