were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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