I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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