so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
