Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
