Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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