You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
