By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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