You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
