Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
