She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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