shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
