I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
