i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
