when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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