Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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