I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We are two peas in an std pod
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
