the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
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Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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