just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
