I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I intend to get homeless drunk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
