woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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