on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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