So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
