Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
