bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
