He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
