omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
