hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
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i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
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