I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just found puke in my bra..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
