I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
