don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I would ride that face into the sunset
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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