I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
