the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
