I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
