Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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