I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
