they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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