i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize