two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
