sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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