I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
