Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
