so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
