So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
