I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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