sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize