Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
handjob tips. give me some.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
