if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
