I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away