I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
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We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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