dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
