So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
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I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
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I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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