Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
