A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Randomize
