And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
