i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
MIDGETS
????
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
