i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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