My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
