Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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