oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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