Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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