Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
