I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
