he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
