I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
