my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
