It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize