Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
And then he peed in my hair
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