I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
