he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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