Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
