Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She bit a glass in half.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
