i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
