I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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