The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
