I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
