just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
