I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
