We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
honey bunches of taint.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
