Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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