the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
