Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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