Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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